


we hold on as hard as we can

by kim47



Series: summerpornathon 2012 [5]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fusion, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-22
Updated: 2012-07-22
Packaged: 2017-11-10 11:40:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/465864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kim47/pseuds/kim47
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur never imagined his actions would cost him Merlin's life.</p><p>Gilgamesh fusion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	we hold on as hard as we can

**Author's Note:**

> For challenge 5 at summerpornathon: myths and legends. Based on The Epic of Gilgamesh (although you should just read the Myths Retold version.)
> 
> Title from Riches and Wonders by Mountain Goats

“You were made for me.”

“You _ruined_ me.”

“You saved me.”

*

“It will not be undone.” Arthur’s voice is flat, but Merlin can hear the anger underneath it. He attempts a smile.

“You know better than any how temperamental the gods are,” he says.

Arthur’s eyes are fiery.

“They would kill you for my insolence?”

“ _Our_ insolence, Arthur, you know it.”

Arthur scowls, and Merlin’s eyes slip closed.

“I saw it,” he says quietly. He can see it still. “I had a dream. I saw them meet, I saw them decide the just punishment, I saw them argue our fate. This is chosen as punishment for you as much as me.”

“I am _sick_ of dreams,” Arthur spits out. He turns on his heel and leaves.

*

“You will not be forgotten,” Arthur says. 

Six days have made Merlin weak, he can barely sit straight, and his lungs rattle and heave with every breath.

“I will see to it. No person shall ever forget your name, or the things we’ve done together.”

Merlin wants to laugh, but he can’t squeeze it out past the tightness in his chest. 

*

He wants to scream and rage, he wants to curse the gods for his very creation, he wants to damn the one who who took him away from the content simplicity of his former life, only to bring him here to this aching, bloodless, inglorious death.

But he can’t, not when they gave him Arthur, beautiful, fearless Arthur. Arthur who laughs so freely and loves him so fiercely. 

He can regret anything but that.

*

“Please, Arthur, please.”

Merlin kisses him softly, then harder. It takes all his strength to pull Arthur into him, to lick open his lips, to thumb away his tears.

Arthur kisses him back.

*

Arthur’s thrusts are slow, measured.

Torturous.

“Do you remember,” he breathes into Merlin’s ear. “The day we met? The day we fought?”

Merlin can’t speak, he bites his lip, clinging to Arthur’s shoulders, and nods. All sensations of pain, of sickness, of tiredness have fallen away, all he can feel is Arthur, around and inside him, hot and big and _there_.

“And then you knelt before me and pledged your loyalty,” Arthur whispers, licking the shell of his ear. “I have loved you from that moment to this, and to the burning of the world.”

Arthur bites at his neck, twisting his hips, and Merlin cries out.

*

The next day Merlin is worse.

*

He’s alone, in the dark emptiness, and then he’s not. The images change and twist and flutter, first a man, then lion, then an eagle, there’s a sharpness at his wrists and he’s bound, he’s being dragged down, down endlessly, he struggles and fights and he can’t escape and he’s in Hell and he can see them, clad in feathers and dust, crowns laid in an inelegant pile at their feet, their faces hard, priests and kings and gods, and in the centre sits a woman, a queen and they are all turned towards her and it’s cold and burning and airless and he can’t move and there’s another woman kneeling before her reading from a stone tablet the queen turns and looks him straight in the eyes she stares and he can’t move or breathe and she opens her mouth and --

Merlin shudders awake, gasping. Arthur’s arm tightens around him as he sobs.

*

Merlin’s body is cold the next morning. 

Arthur’s grief burns hot.


End file.
